"Failure to develop a satisfying intimate relationship has been reported to be the single most frequently presented problem in therapy."¹ And that shouldn't be any big surprise. To create and sustain a fulfilling intimate relationship takes a huge amount of continued effort. Furthermore, no matter how sophisticated we may be in other ways, most of us have not been well educated when it comes to intimate relating. We were not taught that when things go flat in our intimate lives, both partners need to wake to themselves and both have to be willing to cultivate a willingness to develop new skills if the relationship is going to shift in any significant way.
When individuals and couples want to have more juice and passion in their lives, they have to learn more about their feelings. It's as simple as that and as complicated as that. Learning to locate, express and receive feelings is the foundation of our work and it's a very challenging skill to learn. It requires a determined effort at self-discovery. It requires a willingness to learn the language of feelings. It requires a readiness to risk personal vulnerability. It requires a desire to experience a more whole and balanced existence. The good news for those who persevere is that the rewards in relationship and family life are beyond measurement.
To know your feelings you have to know yourself. To hold your feelings and be able to be with them as part of living a more passionate and balanced life, you have to 'build a container.' It's a process few of us received any training in (and is not easily explained on paper). In our retreats we will teach you the six important tasks you will need to act upon in order to build a 'self' that will contribute to successful intimate relating for the rest of your life.
Naomi and I also hold that in order to make the space for significant growth to occur, individuals and couples must be willing to challenge delusions and do the work that it takes to grow up the emotionally young parts within.
This process of "waking up," developing feelings skills, and learning to take much more responsibility for our underdeveloped (sometimes hidden) aspects is what we call "INTIMACY TRAINING."
Our approach is very direct. We like to work quickly, and we are noted for our ability to go straight to the root of matters. We work in small groups (typically 16-22 persons), which allows for our highly personalized, experience-based method. And if you are willing, in one of our retreats we can help you move further than you imagined possible in six days.
For a more detailed description of Intimacy Training go to Frequently Asked Questions.
A note for smokers: please check out our comments about smoking under FAQ's
¹Quoted from Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples, by Leslie Greenberg, Ph.D. Published by Guildford Press, 1988.