The Shadow Side Of Intimate Relationships: What's Going On Behind the Scenes
Our newest book was released in July, 2000. The Shadow Side of Intimate Relationships: What's Going On Behind the Scenes is an up-to-date compilation of what we have learned about couples and how they relate to each other. It takes a very real look at intimate relationship and what is occurring beneath each partner's surface awareness when unnourishing patterns of behavior get locked into place. It sheds light on aspects of ourselves we seldom recognize or want to confront and takes the view that we must become more aware of ourselves, at deeper levels, if we want to experience an authentic, enduring love. This book augments and is intended to replace our first book, Dancing In The Dark.
reviews have been very positive:
authors have managed to integrate deep psychological information
into a down-to-earth, workable model. This book is a must-read
for individuals, couples, and helping professionals."
A great leap forward in the process of personal development
through relationship. Very highly recommended."
gem well worth owning."
.... is about the shadow side of intimacy and how relationships
really are, as opposed to an idealized version of how they
ought to be. The Moseleys studied relationship patterns and
looked at the aspects of intimacy that most of us do not have
the courage to confront with one another - selfishness, greed,
arrogance, pride, power, control. I learned many practical
ideas for changing the universal patterns that plague relationships.
This is the type of information I was never taught in school."
highly recommend this amazing book. The Moseleys' concepts
are new and revolutionary."
own comments on The Shadow Side Of Intimate Relationships:
Every book is to some degree autobiographical; you write from the place you know. In the earlier part of our marriage, most things worked most of the time, but once in a while, major challenges would pop up. For example, we could find ourselves playing out certain roles, like mother, father, daughter and son as opposed to man and woman. At times we found ourselves acting out patterns of behavior which were not satisfying to either of us but were seemingly impossible to stop once they were in motion. Instead of locating, expressing and receiving feelings, we would find ourselves pointing the blaming finger at the other (well-entrenched of course behind our respective defensive walls). Instead of love we would be feeling anger, sometimes even hate. Even worse than all that, sometimes we could find ourselves in total indifference toward each other.
At the same time we were two very determined individuals. We struggled very hard to get to the roots of our unnourishing roles and behavior patterns. After a lot of (sometimes painful) personal exploration we found we could significantly reduce the "down time." Using what we learned in our own relationship, we began to counsel other couples. After many hundreds of therapy sessions, we began to link the common threads and see similar behaviors occurring across the board. We realized that every marriage (every marriage where the participants are being honest with each other) goes through difficult experiences, with each partner under-equipped in terms of awareness and know-how. As we improved on our understanding we discovered we could help others by teaching our models. Eventually that led to the material in The Shadow Side of Intimate Relationships.
Most of the self-help books in this market tend to focus on an idealized vision of how relationships ought to be. We wanted to write a book that had the courage to look at how things really go, and include compelling descriptions of the darker places in both partners - descriptions that were so vivid that individuals couldn't help seeing themselves. The reason for this directness is that we must first know where we are, warts and all, before we can authentically get to where we want to be. In order to sustain a more fulfilling experience with each other, partners need to recognize their own difficult contributions to any given situation and take responsibility for shifting. In our counseling practice we have found that couples who have the courage to do this kind of personal exploration often make amazing breakthroughs to more passionate and fulfilling relating. It truly is soul work.
We also wanted to write a book that brings forward new ideas on every page and also takes the material deeper in every chapter. The net result is a book that has a very strong appeal to those who are devoted to awareness and personal growth (in fact, we have found that The Shadow Side Of Intimate Relationships is very popular with therapists). If you are hungry for a more fulfilling relationship and have a desire to grow as an individual, you won't be sorry you picked up this book.